Consultation

Naseer Ahmed
نصیر احمد

Consultation

by, Naseer Ahmed

Liberal: I think you said something funny here.

Joker: I suppose I did.

Liberal: I want to laugh at it but. . . .

Joker: Oh yeah, I think you need to consult your mum before making such an important decision as laughing at the irreverent musings of a social outcast.

Liberal: It is not just her.

Joker: Wife too.  I know it is an inclusive approach.  The more people into a decision, the more wisdom in it.  You would get a better review by consulting her. After all, it is a kind of social sin when you laugh at a thing which you are not supposed to.

Liberal: Yeah mate, you know your bits and bobs about post-modernity.  That is the thought but it is not just about mum, wife and kids, there are few other people.

Joker: Like your friends, your local Imam, your washerwoman, your barber, your tele channel, your newspaper, your website, your tailor, your superstore, your favorite football club and

Liberal: My dog.

Joker: Of course. How are you going to get her permission.

Liberal: Permission? that is not the word.  It is consulting.

Joker: I am sorry.  At times, I am not properly politically correct. But how are you going to consult your dog to seek her opinion about this big decision in your life?

Liberal: If I tell you, it might sound funny to you and you end up laughing at something without consulting your people.

Joker: Please do tell.  Don’t worry about me. I have a reputation for being a lunatic. Nobody is bothered about what kind of stuff I laugh at.

Liberal: Is it just a reputation? I don’t want to increase your misery by making you laugh accidentally without consulting your shrink.

Joker: Haha, It is just a reputation. I could sign a kind of legal document absolving you of all kind of responsibility concerning my laughter. Now please tell me. How would you consult your dog for ascertaining her opinion about your laughing at something supposedly funny I said a while ago?

Liberal: Don’t be impatient. Let me think over it.  There are some privacy issues. My dog might not like sharing her privacy with an unstable psychopath.

Joker: You son of a bitch. How dare you call me an unstable psychopath? This time you did not need any consultation because you said something mean. That is what happens. When you hold your laughter, you become quite mean.

Liberal: Oh really, it seems you got it right. I never thought that way.

Joker: Hahaha, you never think anyway.

Liberal: Tut tut tut, don’t be so rude. Try to understand.  It is not my fault. That is how I am designed. I have to consult.

Joker: Why don’t you design yourself?

Liberal: I think about it but being an unstable psychopath is not a good career.

Joker: See, you can’t help your cheap side but you have to control your deep side. There is something wrong with this type of consultation which frees you to be mean but controls you when you want to enjoy something. I pity you.

Liberal: You pity me.  the most useless person on the planet and beyond who even does not have an Iphone.

Joker: Haha, is not that good? I don’t have to consult a machine when I want to laugh.

Liberal: Your laughter is useless like you while I can’t afford wasting my laughter on something that does not benefit me. We have to be quite clever in the world we live in.

Joker: Yeah, a useful clever person who can’t laugh whenever he wants.

Liberal: Yeah, you have to give up a few bad habits in order to get something.

Joker: Hahaha, that is the first time I heard that laughing is a bad habit.

Liberal: It is bad when it is not properly used.  And you are not using it wisely and losing a person in the process who could be quite useful to you.

Joker: I won’t mourn that loss.  Your stupidity is a resource of some wonderful hilarity to me, though.  Hahaha, you are not unique in that regard. I meet loads of them who have to suppress, regulate and control their laughter in order to fit in a real dark scheme of things.

Liberal: I would laugh when I discover no real smile and no real laughter is left for you.

Joker: Hahaha, I told you that you are designed to enjoy the things which a decent person won’t. Why don’t you tell me how would you seek the opinion of your dog about the most important decision of your life?

Liberal: My dog is smarter.

Joker: Of course, I know that.  I am not worried about the communication difficulties of your dog. Hahah, how would you communicate your worries about laughing to your dog?

Liberal: Not your problem.

Joker: Ok, I hope you manage to communicate your worries to your dog. I hope it is a real side splitting stuff for your dog. Hahaha.

Liberal: Shut up

Joker: Hahahaha.

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