Consumer rights cynic and joker

Naseer Ahmed, the writer

Consumer rights cynic and joker

by, Naseer Ahmed

The consumer: It is our right to have access to basic, essential goods and services: adequate food, clothing, shelter, health care, education, public utilities, water and sanitation.

The Cynic: That is a quite a long list. Who are you to demand too many things in one breath? A queen? We have already our bankers; we do not want these young pretenders with so many demands. Too much, woe upon thee, you will kill the virtue of poverty and simplicity.

The Joker: Who let the dogs out? Who? Who? The virtue dies if it is too cold. You need a shelter and some stuff to warm you up. You might be self sufficient but most people need other people, products and services. I know you love to defecate publicly to preserve the virtue and the simplicity but without sanitation services, nobody would clear up the mess and public health will be messed up. Do not impose on us the tyranny of your disgusting ways. We need all these good things like clean water, good food, education and public utilities. I find this list too short but I am only a joker. You are jealous of queen but this consumer is just a pauper girl, let her have a bit of life and stop respecting crap too much.

The Consumer: It is our right  to be protected against products, production processes and services that are hazardous to health or life.

The Cynic: Ooh, cry babies. All forms of life will suffer death. Humans are the most dangerous. They must go the sooner the better. They went after greed. They sowed wind, they will reap whirlwind.

Joker: ooh tough guy. He is trying to enjoy the pleasure out of pain. Sounds like somebody who makes money out of death while he tries to feel virtuous about it. A good life, a better life and a long life means both pleasure and wisdom.  And good life is not possible without good health and safe existence .It is good to be a well fed pig than to be a sorrowful Socrates because unhealthy and unsafe Socrates would begin to hate life. And there is no wisdom in hate. Do not take your frustration out on me; I am just a poor joker. You are good at bashing. Shout at those who do not follow the health and safety laws. This might be a bit useful to rest of us. If you are useful to us, we would put up with your hatred against all humans.

Related: Consultation by, Naseer Ahmed

The Consumer: It is our right to be given the facts needed to make an informed choice, and to be protected against dishonest or misleading advertising and labeling.

The Cynic: Now she needs facts. What would she do with facts when she has no abilities? You do not give facts to imbecile; they use facts to increase the stupidity on universal scale. I love a simple and virtuous universe, not a stupid one. Besides, there are no facts, just interpretations.

The Joker: Hating women is a poor reflection on your confidence and pretensions to wisdom. See, you hate facts and women simultaneously. This is no coincidence. It is just your crap life that guides you to a crap world view. Facts and right to know them is important. It is facts which lead us to buy healthy food, it is facts which help us to make our lives better, it is facts which guide us to make those choices which manage useless waste. It is facts which teach us the Golden rule of mutual respect without any gender discriminations. It is facts which are important for ethical living. I am just an ordinary joker but I am afraid you are behaving like a complete idiot.

The Consumer:  it is our right to be able to select from a range of products and services, offered at competitive prices with an assurance of satisfactory quality.

The Cynic: The more products, the more idiocy. Have you not learnt from your experience with twitter and face book, hotmail, Google and other such stuff? They are poor and they have no brains. Let these choosers remain beggars, when they become kings, they do what our Leader did to globe. He used his disgusting side only to puncture it. I mean they cannot handle power and health properly. It goes into their head and they become quite mad.

The Joker: Nothing good happens under the sun because you have been to a wrong school. Your misfortune does not mean that sunshine has ceased to exist. You sound like somebody hating other people’s girlfriends because he has none. Diversity in choice means better quality. If there was only one team, there won’t be a world cup. Competition leads to creativity. You refuse to compete, you stop thinking creatively. It is better to participate in Olympics than doing disgusting things in the town square while congratulating yourself on being an idiot. Let them have more choices, they will make things better for themselves and others around.

The Consumer: It is our right to have consumer interests represented in the making and execution of government policy, and in the development of products and services.

The Cynic: Now you want them to govern us .One hundred donkeys are not better than a man as that noble and wise man says. Their say means policies, products and services are gone to dogs. It is just like borrowing a shirt from naked as  that poetess says. If they had it in them, they would have not been this poor.

The Joker: You are also one of us but you are full of yourself and what is yourself, a big pretension of enjoying what most of us find abhorrent. You know it very well things get better when we participate. We make mistakes but we can rectify them if we are open about them. When it comes to government policies and production processes, too many cooks means a very delicious dinner. The stale bread you eat in loneliness will always be bad for your health whether you prefer to call it Manna or some other good thing. You know poets are about feelings, they keep changing their verses. Be careful of your kind of who keep saying same kind of dangerous stuff all the time. Trust us; we are just people like you. Besides, an informed donkey is lot better than hundred ignorant pretenders of wisdom.

The Consumer: It is our right to receive a fair settlement of just claims, including compensation for misrepresentation, shoddy goods or unsatisfactory services.

The Cynics: What would that achieve? Just ensures a good business for lawyers?

The Joker: A bit of hope would not kill you. Talking to you means a smile is a crime against humanity and laughter is an injustice to entire human race. It could mean that we would eat good food. We could be safe from lies about the things we use. We could be happy that we spent our money wisely. The miserable life you have chosen for yourself is like a jealous friend who begins to die whenever his friend gets a better deal. Be kind to us, life will be kind to you.

The Consumer: – To acquire knowledge and skills needed to make informed, confident choices about goods and services, while being aware of basic consumer rights and responsibilities and how to act on them.

The cynic: Knowledge does not turn thorns into roses. It is just virtue that makes difference.

The Joker: Oh and the rose moves barefoot in the street while thorns are sipping wonderful coffee and talking about Dante. Knowledge and skills make life a lot better. It is knowledge and skills which is the difference between sitting in a laboratory and sorting out the puzzles which could cure a disease and crying alone in a dingy room. Crying or laughing in a dingy room does not turn it into a decent place. It is knowledge that makes that room worth –living by bringing comforts and joys in it. You could abuse knowledge for making things tough but in the end it is  more knowledge that sorts out wrongs done by abuse of knowledge. It is our education and training which helps us to protect our children better. Virtue does not lie in refusal of life, virtue lies in approval of life.

The Consumer:   It is our right to live and work in an environment that is non-threatening to the well-being of present and future generations.

The Cynic: That is first thing you said which makes sense. You cannot live simply and virtuously if you keep expanding mindlessly by damaging our environment.

Joker:I think I should have started from this one because you  have to choose right kind of bone for some dogs. You must know without basic necessities, safety, education, justice, participation and informed choices, we cannot protect our environment.

The Cynic: I think you are right which is a rare thing for a useless jester.

The Joker: Sirrah, It is often this way. The useless jokers show the lights to wonderful wise people. It is always good to have a joker around. It saves you from cherishing your stupidity.

The Consumer: It was lovely to see a snake dancing on his favorite tune. I might get my rights, if we have rights -loving poets, musicians and of course jokers.