A letter to Caroline on a Totalitarian show trial

Naseer Ahmed, the writer

A letter to Caroline on a Totalitarian show trial

by, Naseer Ahmed

Dear Caroline,

Things have gone real bad. They have appointed a fascist ideologue OMJ as piety inspector. His job is to hunt out so called liberals and finish them off.

They gather up whatever liberals they find. All these liberals have to go through an interview with this ruthless OMJ. After an interview, it is his discretion to punish or free those liberals.

Of course, there is no redress available against his decisions. He is quite diligent and methodical as far as his job is concerned. As a consequence, hundreds of liberals and thousands of liberal suspects have disappeared from the face of earth.

In fact, he does not know much about liberty. Anybody who happens not to answer his questions in a satisfactory way to him is automatically a liberal. 

You would be quite surprised there is no communist left. He branded them as liberals and they were either shot or thrown into some dungeon. Of course, it is their fault that they answered his questions in their usual passionate ways.

After seeing the fate of those communists, rest of us has become a bit smart with answers. It does not work mostly but your poor joker was a bit lucky with those answers.

They rounded up a few liberals. You know I am a poor joker but I also ended up with those liberals. All of us were presented before OMJ. Our interview with him went this way.

OMJ: Islam is the only social, political, economic, artistic and scientific system that answers all the needs of humanity.

Liberal 1. Hmmm, well, of course, that is true sir.
OMJ: Kharkhash( and he makes some slicing movements on his throat. That means

Liberal 1 is no more. I think on account of his hesitation about the answer).

OMJ: Islam is a complete code of life.

Liberal 2: Yes sir. Praise to Almighty Allah( they take away liberal 2 to the side and shoot

Liberal 2. I think on account of his limiting the praise just to Allah).

OMJ: Only the greatest Ulema has the right to say anything about religion.

Liberal 3: Praise to all Imams, Ulema, Sufis , Allama Iqbal, Mullah Umar, Albaghdadi, Osama Bin Laden, Genral Hamid Gul, Genral Zia, Genral Aslam Baig , Molana Modudi.

OMJ: hmmm, A bit smart but not enough. You know you have to get into things fully. A half entrance or even 99% percent entrance is no good for the future of Ummah. Kharkhash ( And Liberal 3 is dead).
By this time I get the drift. A few more liberals are shot due to their inadequate answers. And suddenly my turn comes.

OMJ: Laughter is a terrible absurdity.

I: No doubt sir. I am sorry sir. I am not laughing at all. It is my jaws. I was used to stretch them with my fingers. Of course, Praise to the Best Ever Philosopher of Islam after Alghazali.

OMJ: And who is that?

I:It is you sir.

OMJ: A bit better answer.In spite of your jaws, you have some sense.Yet, it is not sufficient.

I:Please guide me and let me help to correct my mistakes, oh exalted one.

OMJ: hahaha, even the most sensible among them need my guidance. A good news for you. Next time, it would be better to praise Allah alongside The Best Ever Philosopher. You know it is necessary for public relations reasons. I would suggest, we can’t have two swords in one sheath. Next time when you mention The Best Ever Philosopher, It would be better to drop that Alghazali.

Anyway, you have made two mistakes. I think a month or two in one of our dungeons is good for your spiritual health.

Thus, I saved my life, dear Caroline. It is saved but I seriously doubt its quality but you know you have to cling with it as best as you could.